I saw Alexis for the first time just a few days ago. And i thought exactly what you thought when you saw her: "Oh my God, she's so gorgeous...she's so cute...she must be mine for all eternity!"

The idea is quite simple : she's so nice she must have a lot of beaux. I must show her only Froggy can resist her beauty. I decide to make a party for her. Using the name of the famous gothic
photographer Lord Heathcliff, I send her an email which says: "Lord Heathcliff will be profoundly honored to have you as a model. Please come to Paris as soon as possible. Before the shoot, you'll be Froggy's star guest at his Annual Vodka Party, Wednesday, July 7th. I wish you a
smoke-filled journey..."
And she answered : "i'll be there !" :-))

The plan is quite simple but diabolical. As I studied  physics years ago, I decided on a kind plan of action using robots:

Basically, these robots are like human being, but explode when you kiss them. I promess to give you more details soon ;-)

I must turn the robots into beautiful goth men. After borrowing Heathcliff's spy camera (the one he uses to photograph girls' panties under their skirts), I go to the Slimelight to discreetly take some pics. After 2 rolls and a couple of ciders, I notice a strange guy with a kind of colored umbilical cord on his head. A kind of  head like an egg boiling with some white coming outside to make a psychedelic  hard ribbon. But in orange...weird stuff...I decide to make him my prototype figure.

After making about 50 goth robots (which i called 'Rogoths'), plus the umbilical one, Varney - who is in Paris to enjoy some unusual French cuisine, and to try to convince Norbert Moutier to direct his "new" movie, "I was a Teenage Suck-a-Blood" - suggests that I include some famous characters to give more impact. Among others, I clone Bill Clinton, Tony Blair and Sean Brennan, the leader of glamour goth band "London after Midnight".

Now I have to manipulate my own image. Alexis is a big smoker. I have smoked a lot of cheap cigars ("infectados" the ones I smoke are known as) for years now. She likes boys in black, drinking cups of coffee. Coffee's not my cup of tea, baby. Coffee has a bad taste, coffee gives bad breath (this could be a song...a Sean Brennan song): "Stop drinking coffee, just love and vodka baby!" (i'm definitely the new Sean Brennan :-))
So there will be a gush of vodkas, cigarettes and infectados, some Michel Polnareff CD's (very soft touch he has), black lipstick, exploding goths and the beautiful Alexis!
What a fantastic party!!!
 

All the rogoths are in place, fully loaded with cigarettes. All the colored vodka carafes are full of different liquors. Alexis arrives, wearing  nice pale make-up and a very sexy black dress. I invite her to sit on the Guest of Honor's throne, while i sit at the opposite side of the cellar, and start drinking an old ****ka, one of my favorites, and smoking one of my infectados.
Quite soon, the first rogoth starts to try to pick her up:

"A drink?" it asks (hmmm, next time i'll teach them more original techniques).

"why not, silly skinny man" Alexis answers.

"A cigarette?" it asks (hmmm, this one was of course in my plan)

And the unbelievable becomes true! Alexis jumps out of the throne to violently hug the rogoth and stick her lips on its lips...With a terrible sound the rogoth explodes, leaving Alexis under a  thick cloud of smoke. "So gooood!" she says, appreciating the smoke. However I notice from her voice she is really quite disappointed.

As soon as she sits back on the throne, another rogoth start charming her :

"May I offer you some flowers?" it asks.

"Of course you can, silly dark man", she answers.

Unfortunately it realizes it has no flowers. With embarrassment,
the rogoth offers instead: "A cigarette?"

"oh yeees!!!", she says, "give me a cigarette and let's go to heaven together!", ripping the rogoth's black nightdress (weird costume i must say). As she tries to kiss him, the second rogoth explodes again, leaving her for the second time under a  thick cloud of smoke.

About 50 explosions and a lot of vodka later, Alexis realizes that the only man who she could have a chance with is the colored umbilical cord one. And it seems that the Bill Clinton, Tony Blair and Sean Brennan robots are not interested in her. And it also seems that they are looking at ME with interest.
I realize they're gay! And they now start to surround me! As they jump on me, i sidestep them and they explode at the exact moment their lips enter in contact together. Another explosion blasts out at the same time: Alexis has just burned her last hope to be happy with a man...and now she watches a part of the orange umbilical cord hanging from the main chandelier, slowly swinging.

In a resounding silence, we watch each other for a few seconds which seem to be longer than a century. As we slowly walk to each other, she says "i'm sorry, Froggy, i ruined your vodka party. All these nice people died because of me. Nobody can resist me. I'll be alone all my life..."

I suddenly realize the plan worked perfectly. Putting on my most desperate voice, i tell her, with tears in my eyes, and my strong french accent:
"Maybe I can resist you. I want to take the risk, my Nina Hagen with Barbara Steele's eyes. I want to be with you all my life, or explode like all these people and die with no
regrets. Let me kiss you, honey".

Before she can say "No!", our lips gently touch each other, with no kind of disruptive explosion this time.
"Froggy, so you're the man of my life! It was something i couldn't imagine just five minutes ago..." she says.

"WHY?"

"I dunno. Maybe because you really suck and, on top of which, your breath smells real bad."
I realise it was a bad idea after all to drink a coffee vodka...

"Maybe this will definitely change your opinion of me", I tell her, popping out a big 'infectado' from my pocket.
Her eyes suddenly shine again. They start glowing as her lips and her throat become dry. Alexis starts touching it, first with one fingernail, and then with a whole finger, trembling. "This texture...so hard, yet so warm...this fleshy-color, so unusual for a cigar..." as she continues to touch it, with groowing curiosity, Curiosity isn't all that's growing. "Put it right now in my mouth!", she orders, grabbing it hard.
"Easy, Alexis, this is not the way to blow the smoke! Let's respect the ritual first."

"What ritual?"

"We must be nude - and lovers..."

"I'll do anything to have this infectado in my mouth!" and she starts to take off my shirt, revealing my erect nipples.
Thirty seconds later, we're both nude. She's beautiful, just as i expected. Her cheeks are round and hard like two football (soccer) half balloons; I imagine the referee whistling a penalty when i touch them :-)
We start rolling around on the dirty floor, in the middle of empty Russian bottles, burned parts of rogoths and Alexis' butts... (cigarettes).
I start to roll the infectado all over her incandescent body. She starts groaning with pleasure and eagerness when I reach her lips. I slowly push it between them, millimeter by millimeter. When it is well wedged in her mouth, I grab my lighter and flick it hard, to illuminate the whole cellar with the
light of our love, making her hornier than she has ever been...